Today I woke up with a hangover – again. I have therefore decided to give up alcohol, completely! I have given up alcohol 23 times since last march. The longest of these has lasted for 16 days according to my little blue diary, where I keep writing ‘DAY 1’.
I am tired of writing ‘DAY 1’, and I am tired of being hungover. In my normal life, where I am not hungover, I am happy and optimistic and have a great relationship with my family. In my hangover life, I am miserable, depressed and feel guilty about my behaviour whilst drinking. Unfortunately, I am a binge drinker, and my ‘tipple’ is larger (classy, I know). I always say that I am going to stick to a few drinks -“I can be a ‘normal’ drinker” I always tell myself. I have just returned from a really great exotic holiday with my husband and teenage son. I drank a couple of beers (pints) at lunch times and a couple on the sun bed watching the sunset in the evenings, maybe one with dinner and then done! I felt I was cured of binge drinking, hooray, I can do ‘moderation’. Then last night we came home, my son was reunited with his PlayStation (the love of his life) and I decided that a few (three pints) largers at home would be a great way to celebrate the end of the holiday. The few ended up being seven pints and would have been more had there been more available and I argued with my husband over some rubbish being debated on ‘Newsnight’ and woke up on the sofa in the middle of the night. I went on to have another sleepless night with my brain buzzing, wracked with guilt about messing it all up – yet again.
I have weighed myself this morning, I am 5’4″ and weigh 97kg!! I am knocking on the door of 50 years old and I have therefore today decided that my lifestyle choices HAVE to change. BUT, the problem is, that I have said this 23 times since last March, and I keep going back to some fantasy that I CAN drink in moderation!, that I have over reacted and the cycle continues. So, in an attempt to stop this vicious destructive behaviour cycle I thought that maybe going public with this change may encourage me to stick to sobriety this time. So hence – this blog.
I have decided to try the 5:2 Fast Diet as well and to commit to no crisps,
chocolate or other junk food and to exercise for 30 minutes every day!
Lets see how I get on eh?