It’s Friday, and I’m not, at the moment, at all concerned about not having a drink tonight. I’ve planned my evening so that we eat early to avoid the beer craving witching hours which for me tend to begin at around 4 o’clock in the afternoon.
I had to be really firm with my internal addict last night when she posed the question about how miserable I am going to be for the rest of my life if there is no alcohol allowed in it. I started agreeing with her that maybe, yet again I have over-reacted during a bad hangover, and that my concerns about my drinking are just me trying to be too much of a perfectionist.
I reminded myself though, that if I am sooo obsessed with wanting to get sober, there must be a reason for this, and I have to admit that I definitely have had numerous detrimental things happen to me in my life because of alcohol, too many to get into here.
I reminded myself that I have felt really happy, and optimistic during the two days since I made the positive decision to give up the booze, and last night I reminded my internal addict (and myself) about the wakeful nights after even a few drinks; where I lie with a raging thirst, and debilitating headache, singing some random, and god awful song in my head over, and over, and over again, and spending hours until morning worrying about the most stupid things – will next doors bamboo grow onto our side of the fence, and will we have to sell our house? This is not something I would worry about usually, although maybe I should. Why would I want to drink?
It’s madness, I had a lovely relaxing night with my husband in front of the telly last night catching up on some of the TV missed whilst on holiday. I have to remember that I have trained myself over the last thirty odd years to believe alcohol is important, when in reality it has definitely brought me more horror that joy. I can surely re-train myself to understand that it is actually irrelevant. I gave it up completely when I was pregnant, and for most of the baby’s first year. I gave it up again in 2008 for 10 months. In 2010 for a year or more (at the same time as I gave up smoking, and lost all the weight doing the diet I discussed yesterday). SO WHY AM I FINDING IT SO HARD TO DO IT NOW?? I’ve been regularly trying to give it up for probably the last three years, and it worries me that it is obviously harder to give up the drink as you get older. Maybe if I don’t give it up now – I never will.
Holly Willoughby was cutely drunk on The One Show last night, and it seems like all of the world is able to drink except me but I know from giving up smoking nearly ten years ago (which I miss like I would miss a hole in the head) that if I stick to this it will be the most exciting, and positively life changing thing I’ll have ever done (after starting my family of course!).
It obviously doesn’t help trying to stick to a measly diet at the same time as trying to give up drink, but this morning after only two days with no drink, and the reduced calorie intake, I did definitely feel thinner. If that is just psychological, then so what? – I felt good this morning! My husband is doing all of this too (but he only really plans to lay off the alcohol until Easter), and he said he felt thinner, and really pleased too – result! Acquiring the perceived ‘feel good factor’ is as much part of this effort as the actual real benefits, I think. So it’s all going well so far.
Hang on in there S!