DAY 1 – Last chance saloon!

Unfortunately, that is not a typing error, I did not miss a zero from day ten, I am back on day one. I had stopped drinking for nine days, and was actually physically experiencing my body getting detoxed. Nevertheless, I just decided on a whim, at tea time yesterday, to give in to my denial. I shared a bottle of wine with my husband, and true to my previous form, we then opened and drank another two. This morning, I am obviously feeling the negative effects physically, but also I feel so depressed about my lack of will power and commitment.

The stupid decision has only reinforced the reasons why I want to quit alcohol, and I worry now whether I will ever achieve this. My concerns are supported by a study I came across, by the University of Sussex[1], which identified a positive correlation between the inability to abstain from drinking and the number of times the person has attempted to abstain previously. That is ‘sobering’, as it suggests that every time I try and fail to give up alcohol it becomes progressively more difficult to stop! This is apparently because repeated detoxifications from alcohol reduce the grey matter of the Prefrontal Cortex in the brain, which is the part of the brain that is responsible for controlling the desire for alcohol. The study recommends that all resources should be made available and used, in order to achieve one successful attempt to stop drinking, as relapses make it more difficult to stop in the future.

From today I do not drink alcohol. I will make staying sober my top priority, and therefore I will not continue with the diet, as this may get in the way of my alcohol free objective. This time I WILL successfully give up alcohol!

[1]T. Duka et al.

Unique Brain Areas Associatedwith Abstinence Control are Damaged in Multiply Detoxified Alcoholics.

Biological Psychiatry, 70 (2011), pp. 545-552

4 thoughts on “DAY 1 – Last chance saloon!

  1. Well at least we know you are human 🙂 . beating yourself up is most certainly the way NOT to go.

    Every day that you don’t drink is GOOD, so you need to just keep stringing them together more and more. Have you gone to an AA meeting? it sounds like you need the company of others to share with. Do you have any meetings near you? Don’t let the research make it easier to accept ‘defeat’ … the fact that you want to, you have and you are going to againget sober is putting you on the side of success. you KNOW what you want. you just haven’t connected the dots on what is missing that allows you to put that glass of alcohol to your lips again. We are here. are you reading anything??? I really found William Porter’s book Alcohol Explained is excellent – you can get a sense of him here: … Clare Pooley really kicked my ass into gear with The Sober Diaries: How one woman stopped drinking and started living. she is amazing!

    1. Thanks for your comments and advice, I’m feeling pretty fed up with it all today. Unfortunately, I have read loads of books: Clare Pooley, Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, Alan Carr, Blackout, and Mrs D is Going Without. That’s why I thought I’d try a blog as they suggested it helped them to commit to their plan. I just need to stop changing my mind and stop persuading myself that I do want to carry on drinking, when I KNOW I don’t! Thanks for the encouragement!!

  2. Please don’t shame or blame yourself. You are a beautiful soul fighting a shitty poison. The key to remember is that inner voice telling you that you will win. You are not weak! In fact you are strong and courageous to fight this battle and win back your life. You are much much much stronger then alcohol and you will throw it out of your life. After drinking for 40 years this is what has helped me. I. On day 28.
    Read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
    This a different approach to AA. You will learn so much about this poison that you will never want it in your system. You are not weak!
    Join this online community today. It’s free and it’s a tribe of nonjudgmental souls living alcohol free, stumbling, winning, and supporting each other.
    This is a 30 day challenge to help you learn about alcohol with videos and daily journal exercises.

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