DAAAAAYY ONE AGGAAIINN!!!! (Well, that was yesterday – I’m on Day 2 Today)
Okay, I know you think I’m a flake, but I will do this. I went on my little jaunt away for the weekend and on Friday night, I totally, yet again, I must be delusional, decided that T-Total is not for me, and I talked myself out of sobriety again, and went on the Raz! Ohmygod, I listened to the lager lout, and went with the possibility that ‘this time will be different’ but it was not. It just deteriorated in to another weekend being ruined (and I mean ruined – no sleep, dreadful hangovers, regret, having to ‘survive’ the days), yeah I had all of the usual ‘benefits’ I always get from drinking; followed by a cycle of drinking, hangover, ‘hair of the dog’ drinking, hangover, until yesterday’s sober ‘Day One’ pledge again.
I one hundred percent apologise, wholeheartedly, if you are successfully giving up the booze, and reading this just makes you cross. I am not singlehandedly trying to sabotage anyone else’s achievements, and I hope you quite correctly take my weakness, as an indication of your own strength. But, I have to be honest, in these posts or I will have to stop writing them. I did consider that, but have decided today, that writing here will help me achieve my goal: to be free from alcohol.
It would be easy to conclude that this objective may be out of my reach, and my confidence in attaining it, naïve based on my recent performance. But I know that each time I wreck this, it makes me more determined. The turn-around between trying to give up drink has become shorter every time I relapse, and I am becoming more aware of the ‘danger signs’. To probably incorrectly quote the sensible Japanese proverb included in a comment from bumpyyear, you may get knocked down seven times, but you therefore get up eight. It highlights her sophistication, as I am only aware of the words of Chumbawamba, in their classic song Tubthumping – “I get knocked down but I get up again, you are never gonna keep me down!” (but I won’t have their whiskey drink, or vodka drink, or lager drink, or cider drink..).
I will start on the road again. Therefore from today onwards, I will never again question or debate the decision to quit drinking.
Just get on with it S, you know what you (don’t) need to do!